O V E R W H E L M E D. I’m just overwhelmed. The past year has been a whirlwind, in the best way. I’ll try to sum it up in the most efficient way possible (lol yea I can pretty much promise ya I won’t be successful there..) but not leaving out the important details along the way.

So ever since midway through college, I knew I wanted to spend my first year post-grad in a discipleship/Biblical studies program. God captured my heart at a young age, but I would say it took me a while to begin to truly understand what walking with Him and living in relationship with Him really means. Growing up (and still to this day), my hugest inspirations and spiritual giants are my Dad and my Granny. I can talk your ear off about how deeply I love and admire those two. If you’re around me much at all, I for sure have already. Praise God for those people in your life who live each day seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and show you what it means to love Jesus and love people. Praise Him every day. I wouldn’t be where I am today without those people (and plenty more not mentioned… but I digress).

Though a Biblical studies discipleship program like Kanakuk Institute was the plan, Kanakuk was a wild card for me. But to make a long story short, applying to KI was a God thing and attending was a leap of faith. Growing up, I was kindof reserved and full of insecurity, hated to put myself outside of my comfort zone and it would suffice to say I was quite the homebody. Well, didn’t I surprise us all? (Mom and Dad say “heck yea ya did”) However, in my college years and most significantly in the past year, I have gotten to see the Lord at work to call me out of the box I’m used to. I thrive on adventure (Mom and Dad kinda hate that… they say I have wheels on my b…”watermelon” #kamplingo) and I like to do something different. Change, though difficult, can be super fun.

It’s so stinkin cool to look back on the past several years and see God steadily at work – refining me, calling me deeper, placing people along my journey to point me to Him and draw me closer to His heart. God equips people to come into our lives and challenge us, convict us, rebuke us (thnx Tori Vaughan), encourage us (KELSEY SHOVER like current day Barnabas), teach us (the ENTIRE staff of Kanakuk Institute – straight S T U D S – and every speaker that graced us with their presence). But I’m not even to that point in the story yet… huh go figure… if you’re still reading at this point, you’re so sweet to bear with me. Long-winded is my default.

So, back to that painfully insecure and reserved little Sarah White… l o l. Well, here’s my camp plug… I never realized I was hecka extroverted until I worked at camp!!! I never started to allow the Lord to work through some insecurities in my life until I was a camp counselor. I got loud and energetic and crazy, I danced like a WHITE girl (still dancin, every day), I invested my heart and soul into people. I began to understand real, authentic community. One day my kids, Lord willing, will attend camp (so sorry Pine Cove’s great and we had a good run but that K world has my heart now). So, kamp with a “k” it is!!!

And don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with insecurities like we all do and have tough transitions, and I will. BUT, I look back at the past 4 or so years and see the Lord sooo evidently at work and His faithfulness has me in awe. And each time I hesitate to trust Him, I want to flash back to every reminder of His steadfast pursuit of my heart and attention to detail.

So, a year ago I was thrust into a new world previously unknown to me… the odd city of Branson, Missouri. The demographic here is generally the retired crowd, and your nightly entertainment can range from Chinese Acrobats to dinner in a giant meatball or walking through a Maze of Mirrors. Huhh. Yeah, it’s an interesting place to say the least. But an integral part of this quirky little B-town, what makes it have a huge piece of my heart, is the community of Kanakuk that resides across the lake. That FREEZING COLD Lake Taney Como.

When I showed up to Missouri last year for what was the first time in my life,
I was overwhelmed. Common theme for me in 2016-17. I didn’t know ANYONE and I felt like everyone knew a bunch of people. I shrunk back as I do when thrown into new environments with big crowds of people I don’t know, and as my now friends like to say, I was “Sarah the Mute” for a good ten days or so. The first impression I gave to my class at the Kanakuk Institute was that I was personality-less. Lol YIKES I hate those processes of transition but love them at the same time.

I kid you not, when I first got to the Institute (HA I realize that sounds funny but who cares, ‘Tute em) and went check in, as soon as I turned around to get in my car and start moving in, I cried. Real tears. Overwhelmed. Dreading all the introductions and awkwardness. I thought, “It’ll get better… I hope. But this part sucks and I feel so insecure it’s not even funny.” The devil like to play that game but don’t let him win, people (John 10:10—cling to it!!) Thankfully, Mom and Sis were right there to encourage me through it. And to decorate my new room 😉

Huh, well those first couple weeks sure were tough, but it DID get better. Nah, it didn’t just get better. It shaped up to become THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE to this point. The Lord orchestrated the dearest friendships I’ve ever known. He pushed me into the light about what brought me the most shame (sin… bc we all have it and it ain’t no good. tbh, we ain’t no good). I got to experience what godly confrontation, reconciliation, and restoration looks like. Yes, sounding like rehab right? Well ya know, we’re all broken people in need of accountability and sharpening so whatever ya wanna call it, I’ll take it!

When the shift really started to take place for me at KI – from awkward don’t know you and feeling insecure to authentic unmatched camaraderie – I was sitting in a room full of every girl in the program at KI. It was my birthday. I still barely knew those girls. But they’d become my family and this right here was the beginning. We went around the circle and shared the darkest part of our lives. Let me tell you, SO scary. The part I dreaded the most. YET, looking back I can easily say one of the best moments I’ve ever experienced. Because when it says in James that we are commanded to confess our sins to one another and be healed, we tend to roll right past that and glaze over it. But, people, this is where authentic community is made manifest.

As we went around the room and shared our deepest pain and shame, the sin represented in the room was weighty. But a few things I noticed. One: there is nothing good within us; not one of us deserves Jesus. Two: You. Are. Not. Alone. When you think that you’re the only one who’s done this or that, or experienced a certain thing, that is the devil doing what he does best – lying. He sits on a throne of lies and we know it! Yet we choose to give him credibility he doesn’t earn. Daily. STAHP the madness. Rebuke that mug. Three: There is freedom. Confess your sins to Jesus and you are forgiven. (1 John 1:9) No ands, ifs, or buts about it. That’s straight truth. But there is healing in confessing your sins to people. God tells us to for a reason. If we claim to be forgiven and loved by God yet still walk in shame, we are denying the power of the cross. Let that sink in. Jesus died so that we might be saved from the sin penalty of eternal death that we all deserve. But, again, John 10:10. Jesus didn’t just die and rise again for us to be saved for eternity. He accomplished God the Father’s will to offer us abundant life NOW, in the present. “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come that you may have life and have it to the FULL.” We can’t truly live and walk in that joy and abundance if we are living in shame. “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1) That’ll preach! Bc it’s not just words on a page, that’s the GOSPEL. But, He tells us to then go and sin no more (Jesus speaking to the woman caught in adultery). The only way we can do that is if we live in the light as He is in the light.

John talks all about the Light – “God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all” (1 John 1:5). “If we claim to have fellowship with Him and yet walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.” (1 John 1:6) Ouch.

Light exposes what’s in the dark. When sin is kept in the dark, it thrives; but when it’s put in the light, it dies. The process of sanctification looks different for everyone, but as we grow in maturity as a believer we must understand the concept of freedom in Christ. It is liberty – liberty to pursue godliness out of a love for the Savior of the world; it is not license to sin.

Alright, there’s more where that came from bc the Lord revolutionized my walk with Him this past year through all He taught me about that concept of living in the light, confession, and authentic community. However, there’s so much more to share and I’m already well on my way to writing a novel here.

God’s. Word. Scripture!!! Wowow there is so much to learn and so much to know just within the pages of Scripture. I went into KI with a really great Biblical foundation that I don’t take for granted. My family has brought me up reading, studying, and loving God’s Word. And though my family isn’t perfect, I’ve been tremendously blessed to see it lived out too. However, this past year at the Institute I went so much deeper in my walk with the Lord than I ever expected. Especially in my reading, studying, and understanding of scripture. My mind was blown each day in class as different pastors, teachers, and speakers would come in and explain concepts of Biblical doctrine or walk through books of the Bible verse by verse. I better learned how to approach hot topics and questions of our culture today through the lens of scripture.

Y’all, the Word of God is living and active (Hebrews 4:12); it is God-breathed !!! and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness !!! so that we may be adequate and equipped for every good work (2 timothy 3:16-17). Hunger and thirst for it. Delight in it and meditate on it day and night (and you will be called blessed – Psalm 1). Let it transform you. We cannot clean ourselves up and modify our behavior to achieve godliness; godliness comes as a byproduct of a heart that is anchored on the Truth.

I came away from the Institute with a MUCH deeper understanding of how to study my Bible and apply it. Still working on it, let me tell you. But, can’t explain how thankful I am for this past year in that respect. And while this blog post may seem like a Kanakuk Institute recruitment tactic… (not at all opposed if it has that effect!!) … it’s really just my processing of what’s been an incredible stepping stone in my walk with Jesus. God absolutely uses the Kanakuk Institute to grow, refine, challenge, encourage, convict, and affirm young people in their pursuit of Him, yet it’s Him that does the work and He can do it any way He chooses! But He does want us to be faithful and run after Him. He promises to be found by us when we seek Him with all our heart (Jeremiah 29:12-13 – sweeeet promise).

Last thing I want to mention about my year at KI is this concept that the Lord revealed to me on a much deeper level than I understood before. It’s nothing new and maybe not even that profound, yet it simply rocked my world. God. Is. Personal. That’s why Jesus came. Jesus not only came to be our sacrifice, to die and rise again for sin and death to be defeated on our behalf. And that He did. But, He came to live. When you think that the God of the universe is distant and too big to be concerned with your seemingly insignificant life (don’t we all feel that from time to time), remember that Jesus became a man. He became a man! He partook of flesh and blood, to share that with us, so that He could identify with us! How truly incredible is that?! It’s THE game-changer. The person of Jesus Christ is what makes my God oh so personal. READ THE BOOK OF HEBREWS. It’s my absolute fav. It’s all about sweet Jesus who knows you and while you were in sin and unrepentant, He died for you. But first He lived for you, so that when you are at your lowest of lows, He could sympathize with your weaknesses. He is our merciful and faithful High Priest. (Quick insert: I got a ring in Israel that says High Priest in Hebrew & lost it in a kampout transit van this summer.. searched the depths of that van about 5 times for it with an entire 15 passy worth of help but all to no avail until THREE DAYS later – coincidence?? I think not!! lolol – but it was found after all by one of my sweet counselor gals – thnx Emma Hansen – and I literally freaked and cried tears of joy). Anyways, please do ask me more about what the Lord’s taught me in the book of Hebrews because it gets me pumped, as you can tell. It explains why He had to shed His blood and the purpose of sacrifice, all the way from the beginning (the fall in Genesis!!). It gives insight into Leviticus, bc honestly most of us just scratch our heads when we read that book. So, in light of what Hebrews talks about, I’ll end with this way we ought to live in light of the cross – our family’s life verse:

“Therefore, since we have so great cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” –Hebrews 12:1-2

If you know me, you know I love to run. And let me tell you, there is no better race to run than the one set out for you by the AUTHOR and PERFECTER of faith. And there’s no better way to run than to run fixing your eyes on Him. He’s gone before us and He’s with us now. Praise evermore to the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, the One who already has the victory. I want to be running toward Him, not any other.