Well it’s probably the least eventful New Year’s Eve that I’ve ever had… For months now, I’ve been looking forward to meeting up with my girl HP to go snowboarding out in Colorado. We’ve been hyping it up for a while now and I couldn’t wait. It’s been highly anticipated because how fun is that?! Shredding with my pal.. doesn’t get much better.

I’m always a little skeptical about getting excited about things in the future, though, because I know things happen and, being the paranoid over thinker that I am, I never want to get ahead of myself because I know I could be let down. Well here we are! My flight this afternoon was delayed on and on and on until it was ultimately canceled because of ice in Dallas. Can’t control those things. Can only control your response, right?

Let me backtrack a bit. The past couple weeks have been super sweet. I’ve gotten to be home from Branson, and have truly enjoyed lots of good quality time with my family. There’s honestly nothing I love more. An ideal night for me is being home with my mom and dad and sister (and bro in law) and playing nerts after we cook dinner. Simply the best. But if you’re reading this, you know I also really love traveling and adventuring and kinda always being on the go. True. And I am super passionate about working out and eating good food… lol. So, what does that have to do with anything? Well all three of those aspects of who I am can play into my desire for my life to function a certain way.

Let me explain. I always want to take every single opportunity to travel at the drop of a hat, experience new things and enjoy life to the fullest. In and of itself, not bad. I have this overwhelming desire to work out all the time. In and of itself, not bad. I essentially plan my day around my food choices, aiming for them to be healthy and quality. In and of itself, not bad. But what was brought to my attention last week was alarming and all too true: I allow my own agenda, driven by these factors, to trump just about all else in my life.

Discipline in health is something that we should strive for but we should never allow that to be all consuming. Similarly, adventure and travel are blessings we can enjoy. By all means, go on trips, make memories, see the world and meet people along the way. But don’t allow it to be the default, causing anything below that standard to be insufficient for you to be happy…

I think in our millennial culture today, Christian and non-Christian alike, we keep ourselves so busy chasing happy moments that we miss the beauty and joy of stillness. We don’t want it, really. A day with no plans is a lackluster recipe for depression… What? How did we get here? At what point did I allow my source of joy to waver so much that it is no longer anchored on Jesus but rather His blessings I get to enjoy and end up expecting? And then from there, how did I so casually wander off into this mindset where, if I’m honest, the adventure and hobbies and lifestyle and you name it, have scaled over my affections for Jesus? I find myself sinking into this rat race for fulfillment. But I’m a believer, a Christian, a Christ-follower; I am content in Him alone… right? If I’m not; if I’m more often selfish than I am self aware, does that call my salvation into question?? If I pray and pray for my life and heart and attitude to look like what Paul describes in Philippians 2 but all I find myself doing in that regard is failing, then what does that say for me?

I sulk in discouragement and defeat, feeling as though I’m unworthy to fly the flag of Christianity as I become disgusted with my passion and fervor to learn and know and speak truth accompanied by a lack of follow through in the nitty gritty daily grind of life unavoidable.

So, I’ve found myself lately in this spiritual disarray. And the reason I’m writing is to communicate that. To be vulnerable and let anyone and everyone know that I suck. I don’t ever want to come across that I have it all together, that I am some young Christian guru who is thriving in life. HA. HA. That’s funny. Ya see, I’ve got a lot of stuff I’m still working through and wish I could say my stat chart of progress was more impressive. But to be real, it just isn’t. I’m stubborn and THANK GOD He is so so gentle and patient with me. He is FAITHFUL, and has been, to keep me on the narrow path of sanctification that brings its fair share of speed bumps and pot holes and curves and bends in the road. Let me tell you, it’s not always fun.

It wasn’t fun last week to have my dad call me out and tell me I’m so selfish and put my agenda ahead of everybody else as my default. Wasn’t fun at all. My dad’s opinion to me is second only to God’s. Lol. But really, he is my favorite person in the world, my dearest friend, and most admired. So those words HURT. Even though he confronted me in love and with discernment, it still obviously wasn’t something I enjoyed hearing. But sometimes we NEED things we don’t necessarily want.

The week before, I overheard someone talking about how all I talk about is myself. OUCH. Dang, that one was rough. But ya know, as you read this… who is this blog about?? HA, yep, myself. But hopefully more than anything, it points you to Jesus. That is my intent. But the point is that really hurt, too, but God used it to re-open my eyes to a flaw in me that He wants to refine. The natural human condition is that we are most concerned about ourselves. That doesn’t make us special. No, what makes us special is when we abandon our natural sinful tendencies of bitter jealousy and selfish ambition (which cause quarrels and conflicts among us – see James 4), and seek the wisdom from above that is pure, peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, and without hypocrisy. Can’t truly be on that kind of a search if our minds and hearts are clouded by our own narcissism. That’s kindof harsh. But I need to be harsh with myself oh so often to remember how desperately I must depend upon Jesus.

I’m talking about James right there because it has really penetrated my heart a ton over the past year. I made the commitment a couple months ago to commit the entire book to memory. And, thankfully, I have only a few verses to go. But you know what is so discouraging?? As I am meditating on Scripture and literally memorizing a book of the Bible, I don’t necessarily find it easier to resist temptation. All the selfish ambitions still persist to nag at me for my attention. How defeating! But I’m subtly reminded of how all encompassing a relationship with Jesus is. He tells us to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. That is holistic. To truly experience peace with God and with people, we must engage and invest every fiber of our being into the triune God. Dig into the Word, yes. But also talk to God; commune with Him in prayer. Discipline ourselves to apply His commands and precepts; we cannot stop at knowing and being able to recite them, although that’s a good start.

I get a little antsy when people say, “it’s not about behavior modification; it’s about heart change.” Pet peeve kinda, because gospel living absolutely involves behavior modification. Heart change is directly correlated with behavior modification, and vice versa. If my heart changes but my behavior stays the same, there is a problem. The Christian life doesn’t come without sacrifice and without discipline. To really know Jesus, love Him, serve Him, and allow Him to live in and through you, you have some responsibility. It doesn’t just happen by osmosis. Life with Jesus might begin with an altar call but it really manifests in us with a call on our lives. A call to discipline ourselves for the sake of godliness (1 Timothy 4:7). That takes some work. A call to work out our salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). That takes some work. Now, being saved is an act of God, not a work of our own (Ephesians 2:8-9). But our salvation isn’t a finish line but a starting point. Hebrews 12:1-2 describes our race and it’s not a race to salvation but a race from salvation. So, sanctification is a part of the Christian life. It affirms our salvation to us while simultaneously reminding us of our brokenness and need for our Savior and Sustainer Jesus.

Wow, I have a million trains of thought all running on different tracks… Sorry, I hope you’re still trackin with me because I want to share a central point to this multi-faceted message I’m trying to communicate. So back to me sitting on my couch at home all alone on New Year’s Eve because my ski trip just didn’t work out… I. Am. So. Thankful. So thankful that my Heavenly Father cares much more deeply about my holiness than my happiness.

After a less than stellar conversation with my dad on the way home from the airport… okay honestly it was pretty awful actually and made me keenly aware of just how entitled of a brat I am… I walked through the door of my house sad that I wasn’t on my way to the mountains, but God immediately shifted my focus onto the bigger picture. Sure, I’m missing out on a fun trip and I’m sad about it. Okay, valid. But sometimes life just happens and things don’t go our way. And DANG I’m talking about a ski trip. Some people have never even been skiing and I want to complain… perspective! Also accurate.

But even bigger picture for me personally is this ah-ha moment that rocked me in the best way. The last couple weeks as I’ve been super discouraged about continuing to struggle so hard with selfishness and wanting God to root that out of me so I can look more like Him, He uses a canceled ski trip to effectively work in that very struggle.

So as it clicked for me just as I opened the door of my house, the tears came. Tears had already come from frustration in the car and whatnot because idk I’m an extra emotional girl sometimes. But these tears were out of admitted brokenness and overwhelming gratitude that the Lord chooses to gently refine me in the most intricate of circumstances.

It often takes tough conversations, but praise God He places people in my life who love me enough to have them. Dad, you sure are that person nine times out of ten. I thank God for you a whole heck of a lot but still not even close to enough. You’re the most special friend and father and confidante and running buddy and football watching pal and relationship advice giver and on and on but everyone’s heard it a thousand times. Hahaha. And I’m truly sorry for ever taking that for granted.

Heck, sometimes God allows you to hear slanderous things about you that might not even be fully true but He softens your heart so that you don’t fully reject that criticism but allow it to humble you.

And sometimes God steps in by tailoring your winter break plans to fit His heart transformation plans. And shooooot, forgive me Lord for often having the knee-jerk response of savagery and bratty entitlement. Praise You, thank You for extending a greater grace in spite of my shortcomings (James 4). I am always apprehensive about getting excited for things in the future because we just don’t know the future and I hate to be disappointed. But even in those moments of retrospect, let us respond with the theology of James 4:13-15. “If the Lord wills.” With big things and small things, I want to emulate a gospel lifestyle. I want the gospel to not only flow from my tongue and my laptop, but from my day to day actions and attitudes!

So this is where I’m at on the last calendar day of 2017. Sitting at home alone in Saint Martinville, Louisiana missing out on that fun ski trip I had planned but somehow peacefully joyful and content in Jesus being all about the hearts of His children really getting and actualizing the gospel.

 

 

// thankfulness: the consciousness of benefit received; the expression of thanks //

We often think of thankfulness as a feeling of gratitude when, really, I’m convinced it is more of a posture. In our daily lives, in our emotionally charged, feelings based culture, we easily find ourselves swinging on a pendulum of inconsistency. Amidst our ever changing feelings and emotions, those which are tossed to and fro by every wave of circumstance, person, and place, remains one constant. That is, if and only if we are anchored. The anchor of constance that firmly grounds us and causes us to withstand changing environments and events is the Truth. The very Word of God. Unchanged generation after generation. As true today for an American in 2017 as it was for the Hebrew people in the Old Testament as they looked forward to a Savior in B.C. times.

As I read through the stories recorded within scripture of Israel’s deliverance from slavery and oppression and its journey into the promised land, I can’t help but see a mirrored image of entitlement and ungratefulness present today. We desire the Lord’s blessing and often want it now. When He provides, we are so thankful and praise Him for it. When we are in a season of drought, we sink into discontentment and disobedience.

When our attitudes and actions are so inconsistent, it is a direct reflection of a deeper issue – subjective gratefulness rather than objective gratefulness.

Subjective gratefulness is easy and what the world expects. When things are good and we are happy, we are thankful. But objective gratefulness has nothing to do with external, situational happiness; it has everything to do with an internal posture.
The object of true biblical thankfulness is the person of Jesus Christ.

On this thanksgiving, and every single day, I want to be truly thankful. I don’t want to just feel warm and fuzzy inside because I love my family, have more than I deserve, and am enjoying life and think “there’s a ton to be thankful for.” That’s great and such a blessing, don’t get me wrong. But those external things can change apart from our control. The one thing that is constant through change is Jesus. The living Word of God.

If I get caught up thanking God for everything He’s given me and don’t just sit at His feet in total awe of Him, I’m really missing it.

I’ve been so convicted lately about such a simple but profound question: do I spend more time talking about God than I spend talking to Him? In ministry I can get so burnt out on “discipling” yet neglecting to be discipled. I can teach scripture on overload yet struggle to apply it. And I think that aligns so closely with this topic of gratefulness. Do I find myself so grateful for what God has done for me but only casually grateful for God Himself?

If we look at our lives and analyze the way we spend our time, I believe we will quickly come to some realizations. Anyone can live a life of subjective thankfulness but when that thankfulness becomes objective, that’s when heart transformation in the life of a Christ follower is evident. The life of one who is fixed on the person of Jesus, not primarily for what He has done but for us but for who He is.

So, what is driving our attitudes and the things we do and say? It is the gratefulness that is rooted deep within us. If that gratefulness is subjective, I can assure you it will change because it is based on feeling, as with anything we allow to be motivated by our emotions. And I’m guilty of this more than I’d like to admit.

But if that gratefulness is objective, it will be fixed on a holy and loving God, affirmed by His constant character, and rooted in His Truth. To be objectively grateful is to be wise. Wisdom, as affirmed throughout scripture, is knowledge of the person of Jesus Christ. Deep, intimate knowledge of WHO HE IS. To know Him is to love Him and to love Him is to live with a heart posture of “consciousness of benefit received; the expression of thanks” to a God who is not a part of my life, but is my life itself.

And let us not be deceived, the benefit received is not salvation, but the Savior.

Divided.
Imputed righteousness and impotent flesh collided.
Wallowing in the shame of lust having the victory yet again;
Drowning in an abyss of self-absorption and pride – the root of all sin.
Why do I do what I hate while I claim to be free?
Of hypocrites and imposters, I’m the epitome.
Filled with passion and fervor over the gospel and my Savior,
Yet rejecting His freedom with my gospel-ignorant behavior.
How do we reconcile this paradoxical paradigm?
Sanctification is a gritty process but glorification is sublime.
Those aspects of salvation are accomplished in one moment yet don’t occur simultaneously.
Today I’m saved from my penalty of sin but I don’t always walk in that truth harmoniously.
So wherein lies the great divide of my spirit and my flesh?
Paul says in Galatians chapter five that the two will never mesh.
We choose each day which we will feed;
And consequently we decide which to impede.
Emotions and impulses swing to and fro like a pendulum of disaster.
You see, we have to decide ahead of time, “Who is my master?”
I cannot serve two, so why do I even try?
One is full of truth; the other is a lie.
How long will I meander through mediocrity and cop out of conviction
As I sink into self-pity and live as though freedom from bondage is mere fiction?
As I break down my predicament of war within my soul,
I realize the key to authenticity in a heart that’s been made whole:
Guard it, above all else, for everything you do flows from it.
So when the Holy Spirit offers you conviction, embrace it and don’t numb it.
What am I listening to? What am I seeing?
Eliminate the garbage and the results are freeing.
If you claim affection for Jesus as your Savior and your Lord,
Why would you think letting go of worldly pleasure is something you can’t afford?
Lay aside every hindrance and the sin that so easily entraps.
Don’t just sing a song, hear a sermon, and hope your life adapts.
Wrestle with sin; don’t let it put you in a headlock.
But remember Who’s living within; He is your strength and your rock.
So when you feel tapped out, like you’re seconds away from K-O,
Remember your victory is mapped out and Satan gets the final “woe.”
Because it’s not just you in the ring;
No, your fighter is the King.
And until all creation, of His holy name, does sing,
You’re living in the beauty in between.

Why? Why an unfounded mass shooting in Las Vegas? Why Hurricane Harvey devastating Houston? Why Irma coming soon after and hitting the east coast hard? Why ISIS inflicting torture and terror across the globe? Why so much pain and hurt and conflict over the stand or kneel debate? Why so much evil and so much corruption and SO MUCH suffering?? The world is just getting worse and worse left and right. Every time we turn on the tv or read the news, there’s another tragedy to take in. So we ask “why?” We just don’t understand how people could be so crazy, how calamities and natural disasters could strike back to back to back and be so unrelenting.

Behind the world’s why, though, is often an accusation. With every tragedy comes a pointed finger because we want so badly to understand the things we cannot. We need some form of closure. There has to be an explanation. If God has created it all, then He has control over what goes on in the world. So, then, it is assumed that He must be the why behind every tragedy. Because it is just such a cop-out for us Christians to say that every good thing comes from God but every bad thing is just something He allows. What makes us know the difference? And when we look at the Bible, we can find throughout the Old Testament that God not only allowed some awful things to happen but He commanded for lots of those things to happen. So then we are left dumbfounded, drowning in uncertainty and lacking any clear answer to give to our world.

The world’s sorrow is valid. The questions we ask are normal. We are finite humans with the inability to perfectly understand all there is to know. Duh. But we want to know. We hate not knowing. We all can fall into the same boat, Christian and non-Christian, of questioning and lacking understanding. So what’s the solution??

We ask “why” but really the answer to our why is more clearly discovered in the question of when? When does all of this hurting and pain and suffering and evil subside? When do we all get along? When do crazy people stop killing others for no apparent reason? When do hurricanes stop wiping out cities? When do tornadoes stop ripping through houses?

Though no one can tell you the exact date on a calendar, you can rest assured that it will end. You see, when sin first entered the world in Genesis 2, this was the fall. Not just the fall of humanity. This was the fall of creation as a whole. God had created everything. Not only that, but after each thing was created He said it was good. Every. Single. Thing. Was. GOOD. So how did we end up here?

When Adam and Eve ate from the tree, they fell to the deception of the devil. And what was originally good became less than good. Sin wasn’t this thing God created; it was a corruption of what God created as good.

Romans 1 speaks to this whole concept. It talks about how all of creation groans to be reconciled back to God. The earth itself. It explains how we allow sin to infiltrate our lives and we no longer honor God like we were created to do, but rather we worship creature over Creator.

Just like Adam and Eve, we fall to the deception of the devil all the day long. We exchange the truth of God for the lies of Satan. We elevate things God created as good above the good God Himself and end up drowning in sin-laden living. How do we get back to what is good? Not by chasing good things. But rather by falling at the feet of the Only One who is good in worship. We have to get back to worshiping the Creator. Because whether we surrender to Him or not, He is coming back to reconcile the whole world to Himself. And that is when all the pain and suffering ends. That is how the Christian has hope in a broken world like this one. I don’t have any hope that if I live a good life my life will be free from pain, but I do have confidence that even in the midst of trial, my hope is secure. Because my hope is not in some better humanity. That is such an empty hope it’s ridiculous. My hope is in ONE Person – Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Lion and the Lamb. The One who bore the sin of every man on the cross. My hope is secure because He has already come and sacrificed Himself and risen again to offer me life abundant and eternal in Him, and He is coming back in the end to rule and reign over all. He has the last word. No man stands a chance. There is nothing more reassuring than placing every ounce of trust in Him.

So, this earth, today and ever since the initial fall in the garden, is extremely broken. But the more aware I am made of its brokenness, the more mindful I am that this is not my home (2 Cor 5:1). The deeper I yearn for my true home in heaven with the Author and Perfecter of my faith (Hebrews 12:1-2), the Savior of my soul. The more I long for this world to be reconciled to Him.

But so much of the world misses this and gets caught up in questioning. I have lots of questions, too. But I find a sense of comfort in having questions because if I had it all figured out, God wouldn’t be God. But He is. Therefore, His thoughts and His ways are far above mine (Is. 55:8-9).

I know a big question of the day is about how a good God would allow so much evil and pain. And then many feel it is a cop out to say that anything good is from God but anything bad is just something He allows… and then people bring attention to the Old Testament of the Bible where there are so many examples of God not only allowing violence but commanding it. This is where it gets tough. And I totally get that. It’s super hard to wrestle with these issues.

At the end of the day, though it is so harsh, God is God. He is the ONLY ONE who is holy, perfectly righteous, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and almighty. He has every right to do what He pleases. He literally can do whatever He wants and it doesn’t matter what I think. That’s so humbling and terrifying but it’s true. So just the opportunity to live is grace. Each day, every moment, is a gift. Anything less than death is grace because all we deserve is eternal death. Yet, He created us not to be robots but to be humans with a soul and a will. We have emotions, a brain, a heart. We can make decisions. He offers us the opportunity to live our lives how we want to. We can’t control everything that happens in life but we can decide how we respond to things. The Bible tells us that the angels long to live life like we do because they were never broken so they don’t get the chance to be redeemed like we do. You see, there’s something more beautiful than being born into perfection: being born into brokenness but being redeemed and restored. What is wrong being made right. What is bad being made good.

And back to God’s harsh action in the Old Testament. We have to remember that the Old Testament was pre-incarnation of Christ Jesus. The Old Testament shows us the Israelites in their beginning stages as a nation. They were given the Law from God through His servant Moses. It came to reveal transgression (Gal 3). Without the Law, humanity had a sense of right and wrong (Eccl. – God has written it on the human heart), yet the Law reveals sin and what that means for us. It separates us from a holy God and earns us eternal death (Rom 3:23, 6:23). So, in the Old Testament salvation was still available to everyone even though Jesus hadn’t lived on the earth yet. They put their faith in He who was to come and today we put our faith in He who has come.

But God had a plan for His people and He was demonstrating His character and the identity of children of God through His chosen people of Israel in the Old Testament. There were Gentiles who made God their Lord and were saved by grace through faith, like Rahab, while God was bringing His Hebrew people into the land He had promised to them (Canaan). However, most of the people outside of the nation of Israel were corrupt and wicked. And God dealt with them as He said He would because we needed to understand the severity of sin. God had to show us that He takes sin seriously and so should we. And I don’t know if we’re necessarily better off today living in comfort and common wickedness, while in the Old Testament people were wiped out when they lived these kinds of lives. God tells us in Romans 1 about how He eventually gives us over to our sin when we continually worship the creature over the Creator. I mean how many of us are guilty of idolatry? I sure am on a daily basis. We elevate even good things over the BEST thing. That makes me an idolater. This current day idolatry infiltrates our lifestyles and before we know it we are giving God lip service but our heart is truly far from Him. Because, you see God doesn’t just want our religion status on facebook; He wants our heart, soul, mind, and strength (the greatest commandment that Jesus gave us).

So when we are living our lives and look around and see so much brokenness and suffering and pain, though a lot of times it is just SO SAD and SO ROUGH, it is grace. It is more than we deserve. Because we are living in the “in between.” Christ has come to the earth, lived, died, and risen. He has offered us life and life abundant in Himself (John 10:10… probs mention that one in every blog because it’s just so stinkin’ short and sweet but life in a nutshell). And yet, life abundant on earth is just still not quite the real deal because the anchor for our souls lies in a fixed hope built upon the person of Jesus Christ seated at the right hand of the throne of God. That’s in heaven, people! This world is NOT our home. It is temporary. Maybe that’s a cliché song by Carrie Underwood. But it is also undoubtedly the truth I wake up each day clinging to as a believer in the Kings of Kings, Lord of Lords, Savior of my soul. This world is so imperfect, and the very best things here still leave me empty because they are just a dim picture of what will one day be my infinity – H E A V E N. And ya know what makes heaven so great? Perfection, no sorrow, no pain, no suffering… Of course, but what makes it that way?? The full presence of the triune God. He dwells there forevermore having conquered sin and death once and for all, seated in His everlasting rest. And all of His children (descendants of Abraham from the Old Testament and adopted gentile believers – Ephesians 1, 1 Peter 2:9-10) will offer Him the worship He is due. In authentic spirit and truth. What a day. The whole world will be reconciled to Him. Complete restoration. Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess (Phil 2). So, each day we truly can consider it all joy amidst trial (James 1) because it is not without purpose.

It’s like watching your football team play in the national championship. But the game is already over and you know your team has won. You know the final score yet you’re watching the game recorded. Sometimes it feels like you’re behind or you have a lot of adversity to overcome. Yet, it’s so funny how you still get so nervous watching every play when you know the outcome. It’s like we forget. The end is written. But we’re living in the present. The enemy never had a chance, yet with every fluctuation in the game we question if our team really wins in the end. WE KNOW WE DO. So take heart. He has overcome the world. This world that is fading may be all we know now on the full spectrum, but the world we were created for is what our soul knows and longs for. Keep pressing on, not in your own strength but in full assurance of the accomplished work of Jesus on the cross for you and me. Place full trust and hope in Him. And when you turn on the tv or read the news and hate what you see, rest in the promises of a promise-making and promise-keeping Heavenly Father.

This. Is. Not. Home.

This. Is. Not. What. You. Were. Created. For.

So live stocking up for yourself treasure in Heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroy (Matt 6:20). Live for the everlasting kingdom. Stock in heaven will be cashed in full. Stock on the earth will vanish like a vapor. Yet in the midst of our finite lives, God cares about every struggle. That’s another reason Jesus came. As a man. He came to truly identify with us and sympathize with our weaknesses (Heb 2, Heb 4, just read all of Hebrews – it. is. the. REAL DEAL)!!! He is a personal God acquainted with our weaknesses. He was fully man, too (Phil 2). Not easy to understand, but if I could understand it all to a T, why would I believe that He is God?

My heart is heavy. But my heart is also yearning. Yearning to be closer to Jesus. Yearning for Him to restore and redeem and reconcile. I pray, though, that before He does that once and for all, we return to Him. We need a wake-up call as a nation and as a world. What really matters isn’t found in political arguments or racial debates. It is found in one Person. Jesus is really the answer. And when we truly understand that, our lives start to look different and our differences begin to fade away. When we pursue Him, we begin to look like Him. When we look like Him and talk like Him and act like Him, people all of a sudden start to see Him more. He doesn’t need people, but He uses people. He always has!!! So each day when I wake up, I want to ask myself, “who are you living for?” If the answer is anything but Jesus, I don’t want it. If I want to be a beacon of hope to a hurting world, that life purpose is the only option.