Set aside.

Have you ever been there? Or maybe you feel like you can identify right now? Odds are all of us have felt that way at some point, or even multiple times, in our lives. And yes, odds are plenty of us are there now. Feeling set aside causes uncomfortable and miserable emotions to arise within us, yet I think we often sit in that mindset for longer than we have to rather than moving past it and choosing to embrace where we’re at in life.

Picture this. You go on a trip to a beautiful place and you’re not all that impressed. Let me add some context. You sit inside your hotel room the whole time and look through the window at the city, and it’s just not what you expected it to be, pretty lackluster. But finally, after days, someone takes you out from the hotel room and into the city. You begin to explore and see all the sights, interact with the people, smell the food, feel the fresh air and take in the scenery. Suddenly this city becomes one you love, even better than you imagined. Let me remind you, you’re still in the same city yet your perspective has changed.

Hold that thought and we’ll come back to it later. First, we’ll dive into the “set aside.” Maybe it’s a season of singleness where you’ve been waiting for the leaves to change color but you’re thinking the winter just might hold on forever. On the other hand, maybe you are in a relationship – dating, engaged, newlywed, married for years, it can be any stage of the relationship – and yet you often times feel more alone than you ever did in your time being single. Perhaps it’s not the love life that’s the issue, but your other relationships. Maybe your friends have really let you down when you needed them the most or just can’t keep a commitment if their life depended on it. And even worse, maybe they don’t even realize it. Or you and your best friend could have just parted ways and you don’t know why. Perhaps you’ve grown up feeling like an outsider and now that you’re older, you still feel this unmet longing to be included if you’re honest with yourself.

Or it could have to do with your family relationships. Maybe your dad never came through on his promises and just wasn’t as present in your life as he should have been, or your mom never really affirmed you, and you’ve been left to deal with the repercussions on your own. Maybe your sibling always had the spotlight and you felt like you were just left behind, living in their shadow. Maybe you and your spouse have been trying to start a family for years to no avail and you’re so discouraged you don’t know what to do. Or maybe your kids are all grown and out of the house, but they haven’t been intentional to continue investing in their relationship with you because life is “too busy.”

Maybe the feelings in you of being set aside don’t have so much to do with relationships as they have to do with life events themselves. Perhaps you’ve been working hard in your job for years and were passed over again for that big promotion. Or you just haven’t ever really been content in your career, but you feel like after all these years you’re stuck in it. Maybe you’ve just graduated, and you have no clue what to do with your life and feel like time is just passing you by. And maybe in any of these situations you’ve cried out to God asking for direction or comfort or for something to change, yet you wake up the next day to nothing different.

These are the moments where we feel set aside. Let me first say that if you’re nodding your head to any of the aforementioned situations, you’re not alone. While I cannot identify with all of the things I mentioned, I can still identify with plenty of them. It’s not fun. We don’t like these times in our lives. When we’re here we pretty much just want things to change. Natural inclination, for sure. But as with any and every moment in our lives, I believe there’s something for us to learn.

I’m in a bit of a season of feeling set aside and it’s no one’s fault. There’s something to learn – just because we go through a tough season or a trial, big or small, doesn’t mean someone is to blame. Often times it’s just life. And if life is meant to be lived, then something’s gotta give when it comes to this issue. We are going to go through times of feeling this way, but the answer is not to sit there and mope. Often times when we are in situations we don’t like, we want to ask God “why?” Kind of crazy if you think about it… We are gravely sinful human beings created by a majestically perfect God and we find it reasonable to point our finger and sometimes even shake our fist at God because we aren’t in the exact spot we think He should’ve brought us. Yeah, crazy isn’t it? But I’m guilty of having my fair share of moments asking God why. And I don’t even think when we do this that He is enraged with our audacity. More times than not, in my spiritual immaturity of thinking God has got something wrong and asking Him why, He shows me what He wants me to learn in that stage of my life with the most gentle, graceful, utter clarity. Yeah, He has a habit of swooping into my questions and leaving me in awe of His goodness while still showing me the error of my thought process.

You see, some things in life are just painful. And someone always has it better than us, and someone always has it much worse. In our human frailty, there is always something to complain about and simultaneously there is always something to be joyful about. Yes, there is something to be grateful about and bring us joy even in our frail humanity. We have that capacity because of how God created us. But as to how, it’s back to that perspective.

Let me talk about one huge thing in our techy world today that greatly influences our perspective. S O C I A L   M E D I A. For lots of us, it’s like we can’t live without it. Of course, if you’re reading this, social media is how you saw it and how I shared it. There’s nothing inherently wrong with social media. But it sure can give us a hard time of having the proper perspective. Our outlook on life is vastly motivated by the things we see and hear and read and choose to believe. A lot of that occurs via the sosh meeds. And honestly, isn’t it sad that for a lot of us, it’s the first thing we see when we wake up and the last thing we look at before we go to bed? The first step to the right perspective is looking up. Looking up rather than looking around.

When we see everyone else’s life through the lenses of rose-colored glasses, yet see our own life bright and clear in 20/20 reality, we run into some issues. People are always doing something more cool and fun than we are, going to places we’ve never been, looking better than we ever could, more likeable than we could ever be, dating or married to someone we never could be, and all their friendships are obviously a ten out of ten because they’re best friends with a thousand people, right? Haha, seriously sometimes we act like we actually believe that. But for one, when you feel that way, just think about the fact that there are probably tons of people who think the same way about your life. And isn’t that funny? Rose-colored glasses, people, AKA that filtered highlight reel on the gram.

So, I think we need to be honest with ourselves. Life isn’t perfect for anyone. Highs and lows are a fact for any human to ever walk the earth. What should our response be? We should praise God in the hills and valleys, like David did throughout the Psalms. Speaking of good ole King Dave, let’s just briefly look back at some guys and gals in the Scriptures. Because, though this was pre-Zuckerberg, they were people dealing with some of the same issues. Everyone must’ve seen David and thought his life was just the best – he was apparently a hottie and got all the girls, but of course that got him into some life-altering issues and heartache. Sure, he became king, but let’s not forget that Saul chased him for years in efforts to end his life. And if we go all the way back to the beginning, he was the runt of Jesse’s sons and got skipped over time after time! He knew what it was like to be set aside. What about Solomon, David’s son? Well he was the wisest and richest man to ever live, what else could a man need? Read Ecclesiastes – the man was discontented the majority of his life with meaningless vanity. We Americans could benefit from taking some notes. What about Leah? She apparently had a gorgeous sister and didn’t measure up. Jacob was tricked into marrying her but really loved her sister, Rebecca, and worked for a total of 14 years to take her as his wife. That’s like kinda the epitome of being set aside if ya ask me. But even if we take a closer look at the bummer of cards Leah was dealt, we see God’s faithfulness and kind consideration for her in that He made it so that she would be in the lineage of God’s only begotten Son Jesus Christ. Pretty awesome. That wasn’t realized in her lifetime, but after all, the most essential part of our life on earth is the way we become more like Christ and build up for ourselves treasure in heaven where we will be in perfect harmony with God and His people. And there, feelings of being set aside will be completely irrelevant and impossible.

So, the whole feeling set aside thing is nothing new but one day, if we are in Christ, it’ll become nothing. Period. Pretty cool. Along with anything else that brings pain. Because when Christ returns, He will reconcile all things to Himself and His kingdom will reign in perfect harmony. And that is the hope we have. Not in a new season of life. Or a new person to do everything right by us. Or a new thing to fulfill us. But in the Son of God who bore our sins and rose from the dead returning to the earth to bring us home with Him forever.

So, when you’re walking through times of feeling set aside, set your focus. Set your eyes on something greater than how you feel. Something truer than your most convincing feelings. Something deeper than what you can see and hear. Something even better than what you’re longing for. Someone. He’s paid the price so that you don’t have to be set aside, so that you can be sanctified. And, truly, those moments of feeling set aside are actually moments of being sanctified. So, look up and ask God what this time – not why, but what are you teaching me? He wants to draw you deeper and show you something you’re missing.

That’s what He’s doing for me. It’s sometimes a slow process, depending on my willingness. But for instance, in my own life, He is drilling home the point to me that no one and nothing else can satisfy my deepest longings to be known, loved, accepted, approved, and fulfilled. Only He can. And often times, the pain I experience from feeling set aside in my life, is actually God’s grace to show me more of who He is while letting me in on what is the truest thing about me – who He says I am. And spoiler alert… I don’t think He says I’m great and wonderful. But He says I’m His and that’s as great and wonderful as it gets, people. To belong to the King of Kings and Lord of Lord’s. If you know Him and love Him and have chosen to place your life in His hands, you’re His and that’s just not gonna change. It can’t. Because He doesn’t set aside. It’s not in His nature.

But oh boy, can we do some setting aside when it comes to the God of the universe. If in those moments of feeling set aside, I could get past myself enough to see the bigger picture, it would be painfully clear to me that in many of those instances the Lord is the one being set aside. By me. I’m setting Him aside in pursuit of the desires of my fickle heart. Those desires often times aren’t innately bad, but they’re no good when they’re my focus rather than the God who created me. And would God really be doing me a favor if He granted me every wish of that heart of mine so I got just what I thought I wanted without deepening my relationship, love for, and dependence upon Him? Nah, because I’d find myself even more miserable than before. With anything great in life, if it’s not rooted in Christ, when things become hard or even just ho-hum, we forget why we wanted it so bad in the first place because it no longer satisfies us, and we’re left to re-enter the rat race of life.

Now seems like a good time to share an insightful quote by probably my favorite writer of all time, C.S. Lewis: “It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” Dang. Let that simmer. Tell me it ain’t so. I think all of our issues in life, big and small, boil down to a lack of trust that the holiday at the sea is worth far more than our mud pies in the slum. Not to say bad things don’t happen and present us with reason for sadness or anger; or terrible things even, leaving us perplexed and heartbroken. Because that absolutely does happen, and more and more it seems. But this world never promises to fulfill us – in contrast to our naive thoughts, it simply cannot. But God promises abundant life, satisfaction, joy, peace, and fulfillment. We just have to really grasp the fact that His offer isn’t attached to planet earth. It’s found within the Person of Jesus.

If you’ve read my blogs at all, you’d notice that every single one comes down to just that. JESUS. And to some folks, I may seem like a broken record. And well, for the record, I am broken. Broken but redeemed. And that is why I write. It’s why I have anything to say at all. Because I want to share that redemption with whoever I can. I hope in One whose character is not dependent upon any earthly construct or any earthly human He created from the dust. I hope in One above and beyond all things, yet nearer than the dearest friend. One more powerful than the strongest regime, yet gentler than the calmest river’s flow. One brighter than all the brilliant stars in the galaxies He strung together. One more keenly aware of my needs and wants than I myself, yet sovereign enough to order my steps in His timing and according to His purposes. One more deserving of my honor and allegiance than any other.

Sometimes, I just need to remind myself of it all. Of whom my life belongs to and who He calls me to be. No better place to be reminded than in His Word – His very words written down and recorded, standing the test of time, for you and for me. When we look up rather than looking around, comparison fades and compassion is stirred, our focus shifts from being set aside to being sanctified, we go from being overlooked to an overcomer. We get past ourselves to see what our purpose is right here, right now. It’s not about us and it never really is, but we constantly have to be reminded. Get in God’s Word and be reminded. Praise Him for right here and right now, whatever that may be, and let Him show you what He wants you to learn and how He wants you to grow today. Let Him be your comfort, your joy, your peace, your refuge. Don’t set Him aside.